Monday, February 22, 2010

Extra Terrestrial Love

I looked beyond the appalling dancers, there was an odd lime green and orange couple sitting together, alone, in the corner. As creepy as it sounds, I decided to focus my attention on them; to see the wonders of extra terrestrial love. There they were, six tongues acting intimately together. It was disgusting, but so fascinating; I couldn’t take my eyes off of them. All of a sudden, the lime green fellow starts to change colors; from yellow, to red, to purple, to black; faster and faster until his entire body was made up of an abundance of colors. I thought to my self, “wait! I’ve seen this before!” And so I whipped out my “Extra-Terrestrial Handy Dandy Handbook.” The correct term for that color changing species is known as a “Florg” here on Mars. But back on Earth, a florg is a piece of grass according to Sahar Rabbat, the “great” one. What was explained under Florg was, “Florgs appear in many different colors, and change color depending on emotion. Yellow = Happy, Orange = Sad…” and so on.
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6 comments:

  1. yonibearFebruary 22, 2010 at 9:15 AM

    Some of you're sentences end abruptly at times, hurting the smooth flow of your writing, but you're story's really funny and entertaining haha. Keep at it(=

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  2. dudeFebruary 22, 2010 at 9:16 AM

    Imaginative, good order and descriptions of what is happening on mars. I think to like extend it to a story you could say how your main character got to mars and why he was there. That would add good depth i think to the backround of the story. I think you could add where you where at that time too

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  3. MichaelFebruary 22, 2010 at 5:49 PM

    I like this, I can only wonder what mysteries Mars can hold. I'm assuming its been terraformed? It might be important to say what level technology do we have.(How fast we travel, Can we teleport, Weaponry, Is it peaceful?) etc. I can't tell where this is going from the title but I already have higher expectations then Twilight.

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  4. ImondiFebruary 23, 2010 at 9:06 AM

    I think this concept is promising because it's unusual. We need to know much more about the narrator, since he seems to be an outsider. Where is he from? Is this the future? Also, I'd like to know more about Sahar Rabbat. Is she their god? Who was her tenth grade English teacher? Keep going with this!

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  5. Amanda C.February 23, 2010 at 9:08 AM

    This is a really cool story. I really like how you described the couple as you were watching them. It was very creative! In order to expand on this I think that you can explain how the main character got to Mars and explain what he is doing there.

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  6. TaijuFebruary 23, 2010 at 9:13 AM

    six tongues?

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