At least I’m moving forward.
To my destination? It’s unknown.
But to get away from you, I will move onward.
Moving through the ruff of the course,
The grass is tall and overgrown.
At least I’m moving forward.
With my head held high, I move toward
The singing darkness where I’m all alone.
A fear that is old and easily abhorred.
To extinguish that glare in her eyes
From this brain of which is my own.
At least I’m moving forward.
Tongue tied and pinned down by my old ladies sword
Closer to death than I’ve ever been blown
What once was a sharp blade changed into a gourd.
So you can just disappear
To your destination? It’s unknown.
At least I’m moving forward
To the mountaintops where I’ve once soared.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
AJ, this reminds me of a lazy bird because of your line "To my destination? It's unknown." because lazy drifters don't know where they're going. Interestingly enough that is also the line that stood out the most to me because I think we all have times when we don't know where we're going but we just keep on walking forward and not looking back. What I image the most is the second to last stanza because there's just something impossible about it that makes me image it.
ReplyDeleteAJ,
ReplyDeleteI really like the last stanza because it sounds somewhat inspirational. In fact, the entire poem has an inspirational tone. Look again at the rules for a villanelle though; you're not yet following them.
I dig it bro. I like it how the meaning is so clear and it is not hard to understand the message of you moving foward. The line that stands out the most is the line when you say "To extinguish that glare in her eyes/ From this brain of which is my own". I enjoyd it i think it showed how it is for people to get over each other and how it can be a slow process sometimes or fast. The rhyming helped with the flow of the poem.
ReplyDeleteI really like your poem it makes me want to move forward. I feel like it's about a break up or a let down, but the meaning isn't clear which is good if that's how you wanted it to be. The rhyming scheme is off and you need ten syllables per line. good job tho!
ReplyDeleteLike Tom and Mr. Imondi said, I really liked the meaning and inspiration of your poem. After reading it, I feel like it impacts the reader in a way that makes him or her stop for a second or two and reflecet upon how the poem relates to their own lives at a personal level. Besides the format, the examples and situations you use in your poem really put a strong image before me and play on my pathos.
ReplyDeleteGreat job on your poem. I can easily see the images that are displayed, sometimes I could acutally see myself doing what the poem said. The poem has a very nice flow, although i think it would be better if you followed more of the rules. Good job :D
ReplyDeleteIsn't that a song by Hoobastank? Moving Forward? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is. Plagerismmmmm. But aside from that, you're poem is alright. The lines "Moving through the ruff of the course, / The grass is tall and overgrown." make me think of a golf course that has been abandoned. Don't really know if that was what you were going for, but that's what I got. Good job.
ReplyDeleteDJ AJ Run (yes, I insist on calling you that), I really like the first stanza. It presents a lot of imagery, maybe somebody running through a muddy field in the rain. Haha, yes I know that's wierdly specific. My favorite line was the first one of the last stanza, because even though it is simple, it stands out and makes you think.
ReplyDelete